I feel bad, I feel bad for out boyfriend… I love him… I do and maybe that’s why I haven’t broken up with him. But I know that it’s also cause being with him is the easiest things right now. Even if I feel like I’m settling and there’s moments I know I would be happier single. Being single this time around would be sooo much better, man did I ever love being single. I feel like that life is slipping from me and I miss it. I long for it. It’s not his fault… he’s a great guy, but I don’t feel the deep connection with him as I think I should have. My ex and I were more connected and honestly sometimes it feels like we are still connected. It’s not mike I want to be with my ex again, I have no desire to go back. I know I was hung up on him because he was familiar, just like how my current boyfriend is familiar. Convient. I want to be single, I want my freedom, I crave the time I was by myself. I think about it all the time. I don’t long for my ex, I don’t long to meet someone, I don’t long to be with my boyfriend in the future, I don’t for us to grow old together… I don’t long to find my soul mate. I just want to be by myself again. Funny, I use to feel lonely being single but now that I’ve been in this relationship for over 2 years, I feel more alone than ever. I feel bad for my boyfriend… it’s not his fault. I just don’t think he’s the one. I remember when I was dating my ex and I would cry silently in bed nex to him, feeling hurt that he cheated on me and insecure, always thinking the worst. I didn’t think that I would be doing the same thing… crying silently in bed next to him feeling sad and alone. How do I tell him, I’m not happy. That he’s not making me happy. He’s done nothing wrong, I know he cares about me and he’s always treated me right. But he’s not enough. I feel so bad writing this but if I don’t get it out somehow I’m going to explode!!! I’m going to treat him cruelly. But he isn’t enough for me. I just want to be single. I just want my old life back, I want to just feel me. I felt alone when I was single for those 5-6 years but I’ve never felt this alone. I shouldn’t feel like this, but I do. God help me. Help me